Book Review: Later Telling

The latest publication from the Donor Conception Network's is not aimed primarily at parents, but instead serves as an informative guide for professionals. Later Telling draws on more than two decades of experience supporting parents preparing to tell their adult donor-conceived children about their origins.

Olivia Montuschi and Walter Merricks combine lived experience with expert advice, supported by evidence throughout, to create a resource that feels both authoritative and personable. Rather than offering simplistic, optimistic solutions, they acknowledge the complexity of late disclosure, while providing a carefully considered framework that has evolved through years of supporting families with compassion and respect.

For parents contemplating what may feel like the most daunting conversation of their lives, there is reassurance without judgement. They may recognise aspects of themselves in the stories shared throughout the book, from parents who intended to tell but never found the right moment, to those who followed outdated professional advice advocating secrecy, or whose circumstances have changed through illness, bereavement, divorce or the growing reality of consumer DNA testing. The authors never minimise the fear these parents carry. Instead, they gently guide them from anxiety and guilt towards empathy, preparation and hope.

The guide recognises the courage required to confront many years of silence while remaining firmly focused on the needs of donor-conceived adults. The emphasis is never on absolving parents of responsibility but on helping them understand that thoughtful preparation, openness and ongoing conversation can preserve – and often strengthen – family relationships. Reading it feels rather like receiving a supportive hug in booklet form: calm, reassuring and grounded in real experience.

Families navigating unfamiliar territory should find support in the discussion around preparing for disclosure, anticipating questions, managing emotional responses and viewing 'telling' as the beginning of a lifelong conversation rather than a single event. The inclusion of real-life examples brings authenticity to the guidance and reminds readers that while every family's journey is unique, they are far from alone.

The authors sensitively expose the lasting consequences of earlier clinical advice that encouraged secrecy or implied it was acceptable, reminding today's professionals that conversations during treatment have the potential to shape family life for decades. For me, reading this very much reinforced how optimism at the point of treatment can sometimes unintentionally overshadow future emotional complexities.

While celebrating the joy of creating families, professionals also have a responsibility to prepare prospective parents for the ongoing realities of donor conception and to ensure they know where to access support as their children grow.

This makes the booklet particularly valuable for fertility counsellors, coaches and psychologists working with patients and families post-treatment, but also for deepening the understanding of all clinical staff. It demonstrates the importance of discussing openness from the earliest stages while also recognising that families who delayed disclosure need empathy and understanding rather than judgement.

The Donor Conception Network has long been recognised for producing practical, evidence-based resources that place families and donor-conceived people at the heart of its work. Alongside the Network's well-established Telling and Talking series (see BioNews 901 and 718), this booklet fills an important gap by focusing specifically on parents preparing to tell adult children, while also documenting their model of specialist support that deserves much wider recognition.

For counsellors, this publication offers much more than information: it provides an insightful case study of a now well-tested therapeutic approach, illustrating how emotional support, practical preparation and lived experience can be woven together to help families navigate exceptionally sensitive conversations. Many professionals, myself included, will find themselves adapting aspects of this model within their own practice.

Ultimately, Later Telling succeeds because it balances honesty with hope. It acknowledges that late disclosure may be painful and that there are no guarantees, yet it consistently demonstrates that openness, when approached thoughtfully and compassionately, creates opportunities for deeper trust and more authentic family relationships.

This is an essential read for all fertility professionals: compassionate without sentimentality, practical without being prescriptive, and reassuring without offering false promises.

Amongst much online positivity about donor conception, particularly from parents with lived experience of successful treatment and children who are still young, it is refreshing to see a resource reminding us of the enduring implications of donor conception.

Whether read by anxious parents, fertility professionals or experienced counsellors, Later Telling delivers an important message: donor conception is not simply about creating families but about supporting them through every stage of their journey.

As someone working in private practice, I am increasingly supporting 'historic' donors as they navigate the long-term implications of decisions made decades ago. I hope Later Telling is the first of many resources recognising that donor conception is a lifelong journey for everyone involved – not only parents and donor-conceived people, but donors too.