Podcast Review: Surrogacy Daddy – A tale, some doubts

'A Tale, Some Doubts' is the twelfth episode of the 'Surrogacy Daddy' series. Translated from French, the podcast details the speaker's experience of conceiving a child through surrogacy in the USA. The podcast is essentially a monologue addressed to his daughter, a relatively unusual style that serves as an interesting reminder of the many different forms that life-story work for children can take.

It is very much an episode of two halves. The first describes the speaker's first weeks of parenthood, initially spent in the USA before returning home to France. Though an important part of their family story, aspects of this become convoluted. There is analysis, for example, of how grandparental discussions about who the child resembles 'constructed a narrative of lineage in which they were both included' despite the fact that, as a same-sex couple, they had used a donor egg. While the love that the family share for their newest member is clear, as an outsider it is difficult to follow the thread of that narrative. Though touching, the more cynical listener might also query how much the lengthy description that follows of a metaphorical 'rope' woven of love and benevolence for their new granddaughter adds to the podcast.

Without doubt, the meat of the podcast lies in the second half. As alluded to in the title, this confronts the more challenging aspects of their surrogacy journey. It is explained that their surrogate, Diana, experienced post-partum bleeding. Although not initially thought to be a cause for concern, this escalated and several months after the birth she experienced a haemorrhage which resulted in a hysterectomy to prevent further, life-threatening bleeds.

The podcast goes on to explore the consequences of this for all involved. Obviously, these are most significant for Diana and her family. The extent of these consequences is acknowledged, but, in her absence, they are not the focus of the discussion. Notably, her 'testimony' is the focus of the following episode released some nine months later, addressing what might otherwise have been thought to be a gap in the series.

There is brief reference to some of the practical ramifications for the speaker – including the financial liability for Diana's lost wages when she could not return to work. The most significant by far, however, are the emotional consequences. That is unsurprising – indeed, it might be concerning if this were not the case. Yet what is striking is that these go beyond concern or even feelings of guilt (albeit both are explored at length). Though the podcast is titled 'some doubts', it is clear that this experience in fact triggered months of questions for the speaker around whether surrogacy can ever be ethical, and by extension whether it was something that he ought to have embarked on at all.

This discussion addresses these questions through two main strands of argument. The first is to emphasise that it was Diana's informed and autonomous decision to become a surrogate, with full knowledge of all the possible risks attached. It is implied that he may not be entirely persuaded by this, alluding to the radical feminist argument that such consent is inevitably shaped by women's lived experience in a patriarchal society. Ultimately, however, he is clearly relieved by Diana's reassurance that she did not regret acting as their surrogate, notwithstanding all that had followed.

The speaker is much more impassioned and unequivocal in unpacking the second line of argument. He speaks at length about the much wider, eminently political factors that exacerbate the risks faced by all pregnant people – in particular, the failure to invest in structures that would promote maternal wellbeing and eliminate obstetric violence. The crux of the argument is compelling: it is far easier for authorities to condemn the morality of surrogacy (and often, by extension, target and further marginalise queer families) than to tackle these systemic, deeply gendered issues.

Ultimately, the listener is left to reach their own conclusions as to whether surrogacy is or can be justified. The overarching tenor of the podcast suggests that the speaker may not be wholly confident in the answer himself, notwithstanding the ostensible defence of 'conditional surrogacy while also condemning patriarchy and systemic exploitation'. Inevitably, one podcast episode cannot tackle this complex issue exhaustively. This is somewhat compounded by the nature of the podcast itself; a monologue with relatively limited internal structure. It is, however, refreshing to hear a parent through surrogacy confront so honestly the difficulties that the process can bring.

As touched on in the podcast itself, the backlash intended parents can receive for merely entering into such an arrangement means there is often a perceived imperative to present only the positives of surrogacy. This can result in feelings of isolation from the surrogacy community when issues arise (or indeed, ostracism for expressing anything other than wholesale positivity). It is long recognised that conversations about surrogacy must be informed by the lived experiences of those involved. While it is important to acknowledge that the vast majority of these experiences are positive, it would be intellectually dishonest to airbrush the challenges out entirely. The second half of this podcast strikes a fair balance and may inspire others to share their stories freely.