When I was 30, and my husband was 32, we knew were not ready to be parents. We were not yet able to provide a child the time and financial resources we wanted for them, and did not think we would be able to do so until after I turned 35. We also knew, if we waited until our late 30s or 40s to attempt to conceive a child, we would be facing increased risks of infertility, miscarriage and genetic abnormalities. We sadly accepted we would probably never have children - but then we found out about embryo freezing. Following this discovery, we underwent IVF to create and freeze five embryos, a process I call Preservation IVF.
I went public with our story because I know there are many other couples suffering with the same dilemma of choosing between having children before they are ready or facing the high risks of infertility at a later age. By taking advantage of IVF technology and vitrification freezing methods, we were able to preserve our fertility and delay parenthood. It was a life-changing option for us that will give us the chance to become parents when we are ready to give our children the best we can offer.
I received both positive and negative feedback to my story. As expected, many people saw this as a rational way to plan a family and respected our desire to plan ahead. On the other hand, there were people who oppose all assisted reproductive techniques, including Preservation IVF, for ethical reasons. What I did not expect was the vitriolic backlash from many other groups. The infertility bloggers were appalled by my use of the term 'Desperation IVF'. This term is meant to warn women and couples of the emotional and financial toll they may suffer if they wait to have children and then roll the dice, instead of undergoing IVF earlier to preserve their fertility. But many critics seemed to think - incorrectly - I was attempting to belittle those suffering through infertility treatments. Nothing could be further from the truth.
My statement that my husband and I did not have enough time and money to offer a child the life we wanted forced the question of what it means to be 'ready' to have a child. Many mothers who chose a different point on the 'readiness barometer' to have children interpreted our timing as a criticism of their own choices (and they were not shy about their feelings). Most intriguing, though, were the many critics opposed to Preservation IVF because of some abstract 'feeling' they could not put their finger on; just something that 'bothered' them. Even Alexandra Frean, who wrote about the story in the Times of London, had this initial reaction. I was surprised by the personal nature of the criticisms - many of their authors seemed offended by our choices and wanted us to fail. What got lost in this negative feedback was that we are not the first couple to decide to delay parenthood. More and more couples are waiting to start families, whether for schooling or careers or emotional readiness.
This trend is only going to continue and Preservation IVF is the best response I could find. I wrote the article so couples would be aware they had an option other than waiting to try for children until it might be too late. In particular, I wanted these couples to know that the newer IVF protocols, called natural and minimal stimulation IVF, enable couples to create embryos with little or no drugs and less expense and interruption to their lives. While full-blown conventional IVF may seem too big to take on for the purposes of fertility preservation, these manageable natural and minimal stimulation cycles make it possible. Plus, the improvements in freezing technology have increased the chances that your efforts will be rewarded. Top fertility clinics using vitrification freezing technology report successful thaw rates of 95 per cent for frozen embryos and very high successful pregnancy rates for cumulative IVF cycles.
Any couple that wants children in the future, but does not plan on completing their family before the ages when higher risks come into play, should seriously consider freezing embryos. For more information, please visit my website.
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