Since news of the Hashmi family broke in the UK last week, various commentators have offered their pearls of wisdom on the issue of having a baby in order to find a bone marrow match for an existing child. One main worry seems to have emerged: motive.
Some commentators have argued this particular use of PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) smacks of reproductive consumerism. If the child does measure up by saving its older brother's life, it will be rejected by its parents. Even if it is able to act as a matching donor, it will grow up with the intolerable knowledge that it was conceived for a purpose other than its own welfare.
One problem with this thesis is that such harms are difficult to anticipate. Of course they might happen, but then again, they might not. The child might grow up feeling particularly special and important, even if it's older brother does not live. As with countless other family issues, such different outcomes are largely dependent upon how the parents and other siblings handle the situation and how they make the child feel. What matters is no so much the actual turn of events, but how they are interpreted in the family.
Some say that the Hashmis want a sixth child for all the wrong reasons. But, of course, other people can have children for all the wrong reasons and get away with it. People who decide to get pregnant naturally in the hope that the baby will be a suitable donor are able to do so without ever being scrutinised by doctors or regulators. Yet this seems no different from the Hashmi's case.
If we were honest with ourselves, we would have to admit that most people have children for a combination of reasons: some good and some not so good. People may have a child to fill an empty life or to save a failing marriage or just because they fear time is running out. In fact they might, if it is unplanned, have a child for no reason whatsoever. That's not to say that these are optimal reasons for having a child. But neither is it to say that they are necessarily damaging. As long as a child is loved, cared for and made to feel wanted, its chance of happiness is high. Why we want children is far less important than what we do with them when they're here.
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