Podcast Review: Life Matters – When a village raises a child

Without doubt, recent decades have seen a shift in thinking in what makes a 'family'. It is widely recognised, both at the societal level and as a matter of law, that the nuclear model is not the only legitimate possibility. The 'village' of Eli Resnik, however, is a reminder of just how flexible the concept of family can be.

Undeniably, this podcast from Life Matters is likely to be of reassurance to users of assisted reproductive technology – perhaps in part the intention of the speakers. Even those who conceive 'naturally', however, may learn from some of the key messages of the episode.

The podcast 'When a village raises a child' is an informal discussion, primarily with Shaun Resnik – Eli's biological (and intended) father. In 2021, he was the first single man in Victoria to be approved for domestic Australian surrogacy. While some background is given as to both why he embarked on a surrogacy journey as a single man and the hurdles he faced along the way (including rejection by the surrogacy regulation board, a point of note for those with an interest in the mechanics of surrogacy regulation), the episode is primarily framed as a catch-up as to how things have been since Eli's landmark birth.

Shaun is joined by his new partner, and 'Mamma Bree' who is Eli's egg donor. The conversation also brings in a number of further characters. This includes Eli's surrogate, with whom Shaun continues to have a close relationship, and Eli's various biological half-siblings.

As the title of the episode suggests, the podcast highlights, in particular, the benefits of having such an extended family network. Naturally, this allows Eli to better understand his birth story and where he comes from. This is understandably a frequent priority for parents of children born through surrogacy and/or gamete donation. Though for intended parents this can bring with it anxieties about their position being undermined or marginalised, all involved with Eli have clearly settled into roles and relationships that work for them.

Indeed, perhaps the most striking feature of the episode is that while the quantity of family – and in particular parental figures – that Eli has is unusual, much of what is said is, frankly, entirely ordinary. Shaun rhapsodises about the joy Eli has brought him in terms familiar to anyone that has spoken to a new parent about their child. He talks about falling in love and the blended family he and his partner have built; Bree explains that her children see Eli as their brother.

This provides a helpful reminder, and hopefully reassurance to those that need it, that personal or family relationships are flexible. Though labels carry personal importance to many, they can be adapted and do not have to reflect traditional social norms.

Inevitably, building and maintaining so many relationships takes work. While the episode makes clear that communication is key, it is somewhat light on detail as how and when the dynamic came about. There is brief mention of initial confusion from Bree's children before they adjusted to having a brother in a different household, however this is not expanded on. Nor is substantive insight given into how everyone involves sustains the positive family structure.

This may be due to the brevity of the discussion compared to the complexity of the issues raised (just 22 minutes, with the remainder of the episode dedicated to other issues). It may also be simply too personal for the podcast forum. Either way, this is a limit on the extent to which others building their family through reproductive technologies can use the discussion as an effective springboard for their own family planning and arrangements.

As touched on at the outset however, the merits of the episode are not limited to points of interest for those curious about assisted reproductive technology. It is clear from Eli and Shaun's experiences that the benefits of having a 'village' raise a child go beyond issues of identity. Their ecosystem also provides emotional and practical support on a day-to-day basis, which is by no means inherently limited to non-traditional families.

Though those who conceive naturally may not have an obvious 'Mamma Bree' figure, promoting meaningful networks outside of the nuclear structure is in everyone's interests. However a bond comes about and whatever the label attached to it, family relationships of all types have value and should be encouraged. Likewise, any family lawyer would agree that positive communication between the adults in a child's life, irrespective of circumstance, can mitigate a multitude of sins…

Perhaps time has come, therefore, to consider whether society should not only accept non-traditional families but also learn from them. Hearing about the family of Eli Resnik, it is hard to conclude otherwise.